Real play-doh

Five years ago, Christmas 2007, we went from Utah to Oregon to spend Christmas with my family. Hattie was only 3 months old. My mom hadn't asked me what I needed/wanted for Christmas, so I knew it would be a surprise. It certainly was...a wheat grinder, along with 4 barrels of wheat. To be honest, I was less than thrilled. Although I knew it was a nice grinder and very practical, it wasn't very exciting for a Christmas gift.

Once I got back to Utah and made my first batch of 100% whole wheat bread, I was hooked. I have rarely purchased store bought bread since. I love making bread and comparing recipes with other bakers. And I see that Christmas gift as one of the best gifts I have ever received.

So on Monday, after 5 years of bread making experience, I was making bread here in Oak Creek and something happened that never had before - my bread didn't rise. I'm not sure if I made the water too hot and killed the yeast, or if my cold Wisconsin house wasn't the friendliest environment for yeast growth. Either way I found myself facing flat bread. I was so disappointed. I finally understood how making bread can be frustrating, since I had never had problems before. I've always heard people say that they can't make bread, that it never works for them, etc, and I always assumed they couldn't follow directions (aka they weren't so bright). But here I was, having done the same recipe I have done a hundred times, with bread that was going no where. I called my mom, my aid in every cooking disaster, to see if I could somehow salvage the bread. I had already let it rise in a warm oven, but to no avail. She suggested I fry a bit up to make a flat bread, and then just let the girls play with it like play-doh. What followed was the most fun my kids have had in a long time.

These are all of Anna's snakes

Punching the dough

A birthday cake

A baby

Hattie's snake

Anna's snake

A couch



They keep asking me to make more bread that doesn't work so they can play with the dough again. It was out on the counter for the whole week and finally got too dried out to play with. I'm sure they played with it more than 10 hours total. So, if you are ever at a loss for how to entertain your kids, just purposefully make a bad batch of bread!

A decade

I wish I had some pictures to accompany this post, but all the relevant photos I have aren't digital, and the prints are in a moving box in the basement waiting to be unpacked eventually.

When I arrived at BYU 12 years ago as an 18-year old freshman, I quickly made friends with the girls across the hall, Karly and Melissa. Karly was a spunky, radiant personality, brimming with entertaining stories of growing up in California and willing to do just about anything to have a good time. Melissa was quite a bit more reserved - she didn't open up quite as willingly as Karly. At first I thought the two of them wouldn't mesh well as roommates but time proved me wrong. Karly was just the right person to bring out Melissa's silly side (which I now know comes out quite often and easily). As the year passed, I became better and better friends with them, and another floormate, Eden. And when our sophomore year started, the four of us moved into an apartment together.

That next year, combined with my freshman year, were remarkable. When I look back on all the fun, crazy stuff I did in college, it was with those girls. They epitomize to me what a great college roommate experience should be like - free of drama, pettiness, and comparisons. We were just four girls who loved to spend time together. And Karly seemed to be the glue that brought us all together. She was often the instigator of our activities, would make sure we had apartment prayer every day, and was always meeting new friends to help the rest of us be more social. We even had roommate pictures taken to hang up in our apartment. She was so fun-loving, warm, and friendly that people were instantly drawn to her. 

After our sophomore year, I spent the summer studying abroad in London, Eden stayed in Provo and prepared for a mission, and Karly and Melissa returned to their homes in California and Nebraska. Once I returned from England, I drove to Utah to surprise Eden for her 21st birthday - and Karly and Melissa also surprised her by flying in. Looking back, I could have never guessed how much that weekend would come to mean to me.

About two weeks later when I was back home in Ontario, I got a call from Eden, who informed me that Karly had been in a car accident and, together with her brother, had died. The following days were a blur of emotions. My family tried to console me, but sadly, I felt the need to get away and to be with others who were grieving. I returned to Utah a few weeks before the fall semester began, traveled to California for the funeral, and took the first steps in the grieving process. 

It seemed hard for people to understand, and for me to convey, how much I was hurting. Some people may have thought that Karly's death shook me up a little too much, considering that she was a friend and not family. But death is always hard, even with faith and even with hope. I knew that death wasn't the end, that she was happy, etc, but it didn't change the fact that I wouldn't get to see her again. Eden, Melissa, and I spent a lot of time together, reminiscing. It helped being with people who were going through the same thing. 

Then Eden left on her mission. I wondered how she could go. Emotionally, I was still a mess. I had been thinking of a mission for months, but in the midst of my grief my plans had been put on hold. During the rest of the fall semester of my junior year, I always considered a mission, but the thought of actually doing it was terrifying. 

As with all things, with time I healed. I missed Karly still, but the sting of death slowly began to lift. And as it did I found myself with a desire to serve a mission. It quite literally snuck up on me. One day I called my sister to tell her that I wasn't going on a mission, and the next day I called her back saying that I was ready. So Karly is partially to blame for me finally deciding to serve a mission. 

Throughout the whole experience I never found myself asking, "Why did this happen to Karly?" I have always believed that life gives us whatever happens to come our way - that God doesn't necessarily plan every portion of our lives. I believe He lets things take their natural course and chain of events. But I also know that He has the power to change the natural course of events if He so desires. Hence, a miracle. So instead of asking "why," I instead asked, "Why not? Why not a miracle that day? Why not wake up Karly's mother or father to see that Karly's brother was asleep at the wheel?" It was hard. A hard lesson to learn. That God is God and that miracles are in His control at the end of the day. That for whatever reason, He chose to let things take their natural course that day and not stop the accident from happening. I didn't need to know the reason He didn't stop it. It wouldn't change the fact that I missed her, and that I miss her still. It only increased my faith that He is in control and aware of us. It is odd that the lack of miracle improved my faith and relationship with Him.

Today marks 10 years since she and her brother Eddie died - a whole decade - 1/3 of my entire life so far. So much in my life has changed. I often wonder where Karly would be if she were still here. Melissa, Eden, and I have remained closer that I think we would have otherwise - our shared experience is something that is difficult to explain to others. I always think of Karly's family on August 17th, wishing that I could be with them to remember Karly's funny quirks, sayings, and stories.

I write all of this mostly for myself, to remember what I felt and what I learned. Because I know as the years go by I'll forget more and more. And these are feelings and lessons I need to remember. But all this writing will never articulate everything I felt and continue to feel. Death is hard, no matter how strong someone's faith is. And faith can always be strengthened by the lessons we learn from death. I gained a greater testimony of the resurrection, one of my favorite verses becoming Mosiah 16:8 - "But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ."

6 years later

I'd like to dedicate this post to Courtside 202. That's where I lived my sophomore year at BYU with Eden, Melissa, and Karly. It was certainly an unforgettable year. I think few people have marked my life in the same way those three girls have. They are all now far away from me, but I want them to know that I love them and that I'm thinking about them today.

Memory Lane

I've been tagged, so here it goes.

20 Years ago: I was 6 and going to Kindergarten at Treasure Valley Christin School, since Kindergarten wasn't quite in the public school system yet. My cousin Todd was in my class with me, but I can't remember anyone else. I remember that whenever we did art projects, I asked my teacher to open my glue bottle for me. Later, when I learned how to open my glue bottle on my own, I wondered why she didn't just teach me how to open it instead of doing it for me. It makes me wonder what kind of a teacher she was...that's my only memory of her. That was also the year that I first went snow skiing. I hated it that year, always the slowest one being left behind, but I'm grateful now for ski school and Dad's patience with me.

10 Years ago: I was 16 and a sophomore in at Ontario High School. I had my license, but Lisa usually drove everywhere since she was older, but I was fine with that. I would go home with her for lunch, or have her drop my friends and I off at Subway or Skippers. I was probably getting excited for Spring Homecoming, although I can't remember now who I went with. I also ran for Junior class Vice President, but lost.

5 Years ago: I was in the MTC, in an intermediate Spanish class getting ready to go to Vina del Mar, Chile on a mission for the Church. I had been there a month already, and was really enjoying myself. I had a great district with great teachers. Things I remember most: trying my hardest to speak only in Spanish, but failing miserably every time we went to the cafeteria; fasting with my family for my mom's surgery; walking to the temple, because it meant that we were outside of the MTC; trying to memorize 1 scripture a day; discussions on charity; hearing the bells ring on BYU campus and feeling homesick; going on walks around the MTC compound; the day that Hermana McCune had surgery, and her companion, Hermana Walker, tape-recorded her while waking up from anesthesia - I don't think I've ever laughed so hard; and my companion shaking her head and saying, "Look! It's snowing!" because of all the dandruff that came flying off. Disgusting.

3 Years ago: I had been back from Chile about 6 months and had just been hired to teach at the MTC. I had a full load of classes at BYU. Paul was in my FHE group and I was interested in him, and I got up the courage to ask him out by the end of the month.

1 Year ago: I was about 3 months pregnant and feeling great, with none of the typical first trimester woes. Despite a great pregnancy, I was pretty miserable at my job. I felt like I lived two separate lives: happy in the evening with my husband, and lousy 8 hours a day at Head Start. I counted down the days to when I quit with as much anticipation as Hattie's birth. I felt like I was in Kindergarten again, being scolded for copying onto cardstock or being 3 minutes late in returning from my lunch break...and that's only the beginning. We were also super stressed out about the medical school application process, since we were hoping for acceptances, but having to face the reality of having to apply again. It was a pretty tough year.

So far this year: Hattie has rolled over, Paul had his fourth medical school interview, we went snow skiing, I have begun to swim every day, we have resumed climbing, and I teach the 9 year olds in Primary.

Yesterday: I swam a mile in the morning after feeding Hattie, which is the farthest I've swam to date. I didn't have to work, so I went to Provo in the afternoon to meet my London study abroad friend, Rachel, for lunch. We finished lunch before Paul was done with school, so Hattie and I walked around BYU campus for about 45 campus. I realized how much I miss being a student and having classes, yet I'm SO glad to be done. I'm also glad to be married and out of the dating/flirting scene that runs rampant on campus. I also realized that I don't walk enough...my legs were tired! When Paul finished, we went to the rock climbing gym for an hour or so until Hattie started to get fussy. I've been making progress lately and climbing harder stuff, so it's been fun. We put her to bed and she fell asleep all by herself again! Paul and I played games and talked for a few hours before going to bed.

Today: When I got Hattie out of bed this morning to feed her, she was so hungry that she started sucking on my chin! That is definitely a first...she certainly had good suction! I swam my regular 1/2 mile in the morning and came home to a sleeping child, who shortly thereafter woke up. Since she only napped for 30 minutes, she was soon back asleep...I dropped Paul off at the bus stop, made a grocery list, fed Hattie, went shopping, had playtime with Rebekah and Robyn upstairs, then went to Provo to pick up Paul to go climbing again. It was another good climbing day, and Hattie did great. We'll see how she does at going to sleep by herself tonight.

Tomorrow: I'm in charge of watching the storage unit office tomorrow, so I'm home-bound all day. I plan on processing the remaining credit cards that are on auto-pay, going swimming, doing laundry, cleaning Hattie's toys, and starting a new quilting project. My friend Miranda from the mission is having a Lia Sophia jewelry party, so I'm going to head over there after Hattie's asleep, mostly just to see some mission friends.

This year: Paul will graduate from BYU at last and we'll move to Texas in July. Also in July, we'll go up to Idaho to spend the 4th my family, and from there going to Wyoming for the Iverson family backpacking trip (I'll leave Hattie with my mom). Paul is going to be working at an observatory over the summer, but since it's really out of the way, he'll be gone all week and only come home on the weekends. Because of this, I hope to spend a few weeks in Ontario, Texas, or anywhere that will take Hattie and me for a few days so I don't get so lonely! We are mostly excited to finally be on the road to a career.

I tag Jenny, Noelle, and Miranda.