C-section soap box

Six years ago with my doctor said that I needed a c-section, I remember crying. Paul was worried that I felt like a failure or something, but I simply didn't want to be limited in the number of children we had. But I accepted my fate, had a decent experience in the OR and with recovery, and was ready to try a VBAC next time around.

Remember how my water broke 7 weeks early with Anna? Well after sitting around the hospital on bed rest for a week and not going into labor, I pretty much expected that a VBAC wouldn't happen. I think I was pretty okay with it. Honestly, my body ached from being on bed rest and I just wanted to have a baby and be done with the hospital. Again, good experience with a great recovery.

With Niels, I searched and searched for a doctor in Texas who would be willing to at least let me try a VBAC, since most docs won't after two. But I also wanted an excellent surgeon, since again, I knew my chances were pretty high that I wouldn't be able to do it. My doctor was willing, but would only let me go to 39 weeks before scheduling something. Honestly, vaginal birth still terrified me, and when 39 weeks came, I was ready to schedule everything. During that third surgery, my doctor discovered that I physiologically would never be able to birth a baby naturally. He also said that I healed well enough to try for a 4th baby.

So now that my fate is sealed and all my babies will require surgery, I've done some thinking and had some experiences. Whenever I tell people I have to have c-sections, I get a variety of responses. Pity is most common. While I know that being cut open repeatedly is not ideal, I really don't deserve any pity. I am able to carry children, where many woman can't. I have had healthy children so far, where many babies are sick or even die at birth. Maybe I need to be more humble, but I don't like being pitied for something that really doesn't matter.

Another response is skepticism, in the sense that I perhaps didn't really need to have c-sections at all...that if my doctor had just let me try a little longer, if I had mentally/physically prepped myself more, and if my doctor hadn't been so anxious to end his shift and go home, then I could have done it vaginally. In essence, they think I failed. This is certainly the most irritating response. Although I know there are many doctors out there who do perhaps jump to surgery too quickly, I for one would be dead if I didn't live in a time when c-sections were possible. When people portray that vaginal birth is the superior way to deliver in all cases, I get extremely irritated. Again, I probably need to be more humble and lighten up. But I have spoken to quite a few women who send this vibe to me when we exchange stories.

And that brings me to the last response I get - indifference. This is the response that I aim to portray whenever women gather together and share birth stories (which we seem to do a lot as women). I don't mean indifference to the story being shared, but to the method of birth. If you want a home birth, go for it! If you want a midwife, great! If you don't want an epidural, more power to you!  If you want an epidural, enjoy it! If you need a c-section, so be it. It really doesn't matter the way you choose to or have to have your baby. Just the fact that you are able to create and carry a baby inside you is amazing. And having a healthy baby is such a blessing. I wish people wouldn't put so much stock in how the baby actually comes out of you and just enjoy the new life that has been created.

Maybe I am a little oversensitive about this issue. Maybe people aren't passing judgment that I was a failure or that I had a knife-happy doctor. But having spoken to other "c-section only" mothers, I am not the only one who has had these reactions from others. 

I know that many people out there don't care how the baby comes out. But hopefully next time you hear a birth story you will be careful that you are aware of how your reaction to your story comes across to the new mother you are speaking too. 

Soap box over. More pictures of Anders to come :)

P.S. One nurse once said, regarding c-sections, particularly VBACs, "Why would you ever want a VBAC? Once you have messed up one part of your body (from birth), why would you want to mess up another part? Just keep them coming out the same way!"

Surgery, birth, and baby naming

Being that my first 3 kids were born c-section, with #4, it was scheduled from the beginning. I must admit, it was nice knowing that no matter what happened, by April 22nd, I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. 

Not that anyone even wants to know these details, but for my own sake, and for my kids, here's the story:

On Monday evening, my mother flew in from Boise, just 13 hours before the surgery was scheduled. We woke up the next morning, showered, fed the kids breakfast, and left for the hospital. I really felt gigantic this time around. I mean huge. People started asking me how many more days when I still had 7 weeks left. I had been pretty uncomfortable for the last two months and I was oh so very ready for a c-section. I wasn't nervous at all...although this was going to be my 4th hospital, in my 4th state, with my 4th doctor, and while procedures do vary a little from hospital to hospital, the basics were the same. I told the nurses I was a tough stick (they poked me 7 or 8 times before they got a good line in when I had Niels) and I was determined that wouldn't happen again. And, gratefully, one poke was all it took. That alone alleviated any worries I may have had. They got me all prepped for surgery, and then we waited an hour. What the hold up was, I don't know, but I was just antsy to get started.

Finally I was whisked away to the OR. Anesthesiologist gave me the spinal, I laid down, and the nurses took over, attaching monitors all over. Paul eventually came in, and once they verified that I was completely numb, it all started. The anesthesiologist told me that if I didn't feel well to tell him, since I would feel a change in blood pressure faster than his monitors could tell him. At one point I had a moment of dizziness and difficulty breathing...so I told the anesthesiologist, he gave me some drugs to my IV, and in a few minutes I felt like normal. The wonders of medicine :)

Every time I've done this, I'm surprised how long it takes to actually get the baby out. For some reason I think it should be instant...and I suppose in emergent cases, they are able to go in very fast. But as long as mother and baby are okay, the doctors take their time. Which is good. They carefully cut through all fascia, clear up adhesions, and do their thing, taking their time to be careful. So about 15 minutes after starting, they were ready to take out the baby. Quickly, the baby's left hand shot out! I guess he was done with this pregnancy too! They pushed it back in, but he kept trying to punch his way out. Sadly, he was transverse, or sideways in my tummy, so they had to push and pull and twist a lot more than they normally do. In the past, I have felt the doctors pulling on me a bit, and have felt a lot of "pressure" as they pull the baby out, but nothing terribly painful or memorable. This time, I felt like I was being pulled right and left and jostled all over the table while they tried to pull him out. It felt like a full 3 or 4 minutes that they battled with the baby before he finally turned head down and came out. I felt like I had been beat up a bit...they had to cut my uterus a little more in order to flip him and help him out. But alas, he came. He had a bit of trouble breathing at first, but all was quickly normal. Born at 11:09 am, he weighed 8 pounds 10.8 ounces and was 21 inches long.

Paul and the baby sat with me a bit while the doctors started to clean me up. Again, this part always takes longer than I remember. I timed it this time and it took 50 minutes from when he was born to when they wheeled me out of the OR. Again, I'm glad that doctors take their time and don't hurry things along. Take all the time you need in stitching me up!

We got to hang out in the recovery room for an hour while my legs slowly regained a little (very little) bit of feeling. And I got to hold him for the first time. Oops. We didn't get a picture of that.

That afternoon my mom brought the kids to see him. They all loved him immediately, especially Niels, who we feared may have some problems being displaced as the baby.

I stayed in the hospital two nights, although I felt good enough to go home earlier. I really had an easy recovery. I felt great physically, and didn't have a hard time moving like I have with previous c-sections. And with my mom around to help, life at home was pretty relaxed and easy.

The only problem was the name. For the two months leading up to his birth, we had considered Erik and Dane. I really wanted his middle name to be Steven, after Paul's dad, and Paul wanted his middle name to be Thor. One of us had to budge, so about a month before birth, Paul agreed to Steven. But it was still a battle between Erik and Dane. Anna wanted Dane, because with her speech impediment, she couldn't say Erik (it came out Erit). And Hattie wanted Erik...probably just to pick something different than Anna.  I vacillated between the two from day to day, as did Paul.

On the way to the hospital on Tuesday morning, I said to Paul, "I guess I'm not totally against Anders. I still think it's a great name (we had considered it for Niels) but I don't love how it sounds with Iverson." I went on to mention a handful of other names we had discussed that I wasn't wholly against.

So fast-forward to Wednesday afternoon when Paul came to visit me and the baby after work. He said, "You know, I think I like Anders more than anything." Funny thing was, I was going to say the same thing. All day on Wednesday while I was alone with the baby, I tried calling him Erik and Dane. And I just wasn't feeling it. And for some reason, Anders fit. I can't really explain it. It wasn't really an overwhelming feeling...just that we liked Anders...it seemed to have a bit more personality to it. So despite the fact that I still don't love the sound of Anders Iverson, we started to call him that. We called him that for about a week before I finally called the name registry office to make it official. Sometimes I still have moments where I ask myself, "Did I really just name my son Anders? Are people going to think we are weird-os who have to have crazy creative names? Will he like his name as he grows up?" And it seems that most peoples' reaction is either something along the lines of "That is an awesome name!" or a simple, polite, "Oh," with a half grin.

We love our little newborn, and are relishing in the weeks in which he stays a newborn. They change and grow so fast! He sleeps quite well, and is generally a pretty good baby. The kids can't get enough of him. Anna always wants to hold him, Hattie always asks to see "his cute little face," and Niels gives him about 80 snuggles a day.

And we're having a...

BOY! Now the hard part...picking a name...

Anna Isabelle

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. Sorry to keep you all in suspense, but things got really busy for a while, on top of our computer having internet problems. So here's the story:

Saturday and Sunday in labor/delivery continued as normal - watching the baby's heart rate for any decelerations. Monday morning, July 27th, around 5:00 am, I starting having more consistent contractions (they had been irregular for the last week). I started getting excited after three hours that they were regular. Then they stopped for a few hours...then started up again. And it was starting to get quite uncomfortable for me. Around 3:00 pm the doctor decided to check my cervix to see if I was dilating at all, and therefore, truly in labor. If I was, then I could get an epidural and have the baby. Sadly, I was only dilated to 1/2 centimeter. But the doctor noted that he couldn't feel the baby's head pressing down on the cervix. So he ordered an ultrasound. Sure enough, during my week on bed rest, the baby had flipped and was now breech. Regardless of how long I labored, unless she flipped again in the next few hours, I wouldn't dilate very much and would have a hard time delivering. And because there was essentially no amniotic fluid left, trying to manipulate the baby to turn was out of the question. So it was off to the operating room with me again for another c-section. Everything went great and our daughter was born at 4:30 pm.

Anna Isabelle weighed 5 lbs 1 oz, measured 17 3/4 inches long, and has some dark hair on her head. Besides her low weight, she is perfectly healthy. She is in the NICU right now, and they are watching her weight gain, as well as her blood sugar levels. As soon as she proves that she can eat well and gain weight, she can come home with us.

My mom continues to watch Hattie for us while I spend my days at the hospital to feed Anna - I couldn't ask for a better grandma for my children. And Paul is preparing to return to Texas since school starts this coming Monday. We pray that Anna is released soon so that we can be together again as a family. Thank you for all your support and prayers.

Day trip to antepartum

Yesterday we finally had a little change. I suppose it was a change because of the lack of change in the baby situation. Because the baby and I had both been stable on Wednesday and Thursday, they moved me Friday morning to antepartum. That's where they watch women who are on bed rest but stable, who don't require quite as much care as those who are in labor/delivery. So we thought it was a good move, since it meant that the baby was doing well and would likely gestate longer.

The rooms in antepartum are generally nicer...softer bed, larger bathroom, and quieter (no screaming women in labor nearby). They took me off continuous monitoring (those really uncomfortable elastic belts that watch contractions and baby's heart rate), so I definitely had a nicer sleep last night.

This morning they put the belts on to watch the baby for a bit. After a while, her heart rate dropped really low for 30 seconds or so, then went back to normal. That happened 4 or 5 times. Because of the low levels of amniotic fluid, the baby's cord can get smashed between the uterus and the baby. Obviously if that happens to much, it's dangerous for the baby. And because she is only 34 weeks, her umbilical cord isn't as strong as it would be at 40 weeks, so it is weaker under the pressure. So, they moved me back to labor/delivery and I'm being monitored constantly now. But since being back here, her heart rate hasn't acted up once. I guess she just likes being in labor/delivery more than antepartum. Although it is physically less comfortable here, I do like being able to constantly hear her heartbeat. It keeps me calm during moments of stress and worry.

Bed Rest

How can my body be so sore from doing nothing but sitting in bed? I'm actually quite amazed by how badly my back aches, considering that I haven't hardly moved in the last three days. My hat is off to my friends who have been on bed rest for much longer than 3 or 4 days. Gratefully I know that I only have to endure this for a maximum of 4 more days...it's nice having an end in sight.

There are some positive things about being on bed rest though. For one, we having been listening to our girl's heart beat for the last 3 days. There is something about the constant thump-thump that is strangely comforting. I find that hearing it helps me sleep better.

Also, I have a nurse and a husband at my side to do any thing I need...even paint my toenails! I am so grateful that Paul is not in school yet; otherwise I would spend my days alone.

I can take a nap whenever I want. It's often no more than 30 minutes, but that's more than I usually get at home with Hattie!

I have had some contractions. They will be regular for a few hours, then disappear completely. So we are still hopeful that she'll come on her own before Tuesday. Hopefully my body can kick into gear. We've got 4 full days before then.

The 34 week cut off

Nothing new for me or baby. We just sat around all day. The longer we are here waiting, the more we understand. So here is the current update.

I am understanding more the reason for a c-section, if it does come to that. For example, if a woman's water breaks at 25 weeks, the doctors will try to keep her pregnant until 34 weeks, even though there is a risk of infection. A baby delivered at 25 weeks will have a lot of developmental problems, and the risk of infection is less than the risk of delivering a baby at 25 weeks with developmental problems. But once a baby reaches 34 weeks, they are developed enough that they should be a relatively healthy premature baby. At that point the risk of infection outweights the risk of developmental problems. A NICU unit would prefer a baby born at 34 weeks who is not infected over an infected baby at 35 weeks. Hence the reason that they won't just let me lay here until I'm 40 weeks along. Plus, I am still leaking a little fluid and there is only about 1 centimeter of fluid surrounding her, sometimes causing her cord to get smashed between her and the uterus.

Like I said on the last post, we are hoping and praying to go into labor naturally before next Tuesday, which is the c-section cut off date. I would rather not be cut into again if I don't have to!

I figured I needed a picture of me with my belly since it has been a while. It is slightly smaller than it used to be because of the lose of fluid.

They let me shower today! It's good to be clean. And I get to order what I want to eat.


Here is Paul's bed for the next week. He certainly sleeps better than I do! And you can see his stash of candy on the floor...we need to get him on a better diet!

Every pregnancy IS different

Up until Monday, I figured I was pretty lucky. This pregnancy was going smoothly - just like Hattie's, except that my body aches in slightly different spots. I am 33 weeks along. But now, everything is different.

(Sorry if information is too graphic) We spent last weekend in Preston, Idaho for a family reunion, and were glad to be back in Ontario with my family on Monday. I felt perfectly fine all day and did nothing out of the ordinary. Then, right after dinner, I noticed some blood and fluid. I called my doctor in Texas and he said that if it didn't stop soon, to go to a hospital up there. After another 45 minutes, a lot more fluid, and a number of phone calls to hospitals in the area, Paul and I drove to Holy Rosary in Ontario to have an amnioscan, in order to determine if my water had in fact broken. I knew that I didn't want to deliver there, since I would not have the option of a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC - Hattie was delivered c-section). But nor did I want to drive an hour to Boise if it was nothing. Gratefully, a friend of ours from church was the nurse on call, so it was nice to have someone I trusted there. And yes, my water had broken! But no contractions had started and I was not dilated. We rushed back to my parents and packed a quick bag, forgetting, of course, plenty of essentials, but we had enough to get through the night.

We got to St. Luke's in Boise around 11:30 pm. They didn't admit me immediately because they wanted to do a different test to determine if it was amniotic fluid. So I laid there for an hour waiting for the doctor to come out of surgery. By the time he got there at 1:00, there was no need for the test - it was pretty darn obvious from all the fluid I was leaking. So they did an ultrasound to measure our little girl. She is measuring perfectly for 33 weeks and weighs about 4 lbs 4 oz. But there was only 1 centimeter of fluid surrounding her. I was having a few contractions by now, but nothing painful. So I was finally admitted, got an IV, antibiotics (to prevent infection of the baby), received a steroid shot to speed up lung development in the baby before birth, and finally was finished by 3:00 am. Needless to say, I was very tired, but had trouble sleeping. Paul, however, has a pretty soft bed to rest on.

Diagnosis: They are going to keep monitoring me for a week. If by the end of a week (Monday or Tuesday, the 26th or 27th) I have not gone into labor naturally, they will do a c-section since the risk of infection to the baby just gets higher and higher the longer we wait. They will not induce me because I had a c-section before, and the risk of a uterine tear on the c-section scar quadruples when induced. By then, she'll be 34 weeks and her stay in the NICU will likely be shorter. But we are hoping that my contractions will become more regular and that I can have her vaginally sometime before then. I have had very sporadic contractions, but nothing painful. They haven't checked to see if I am dilating, again to avoid any risk of infection. They will wait until I am actually in labor with strong contractions. Hopefully the hormones released by my water breaking and whatnot will start stronger contractions soon; and the doctor said that usually women go into labor within 72 hours. So essentially, we wait. My body is beginning to ache now after 36 hours in bed. Any suggestions on how to pass the time and avoid body aching from those of you who have been on bed rest before?

The only painful part has been a particular antibiotic, which takes an hour to receive, and causes my entire forearm a LOT of pain. For some reason, it really irritates my veins as it passes through. Ice packs help a little, but after an hour and a half of constant pain at 3 am with pretty much no sleep for the last 36 hours, my pain tolerance is low. So now they have put me on oral antibiotics...hooray!

Even though it is not ideal to deliver 6 or 7 weeks early at a brand new hospital while on vacation with a 24 hour drive separating me from my home, I must say that if this was going to happen, I'm glad I was here instead of Lubbock, where my mom can watch Hattie for as long as necessary, where I have wonderful sisters, brothers, and in-laws close by to help out, and friends that I've had since childhood to offer support and prayers. We have been very blessed. The doctors and nurses have been wonderful. I feel very well taken care of even though we are far from home. Although we are woefully under prepared to have a baby this soon, with absolutely nothing here in Idaho by way of clothes, car seats, etc, I feel so lucky having so many people here watching out for us.

Paul will be returning to Lubbock by August 3rd for the start of his 2nd year of medical school. And I'll go home as soon as our girl is released from the NICU...and she could be there a few days or up until her due day (September 6th). The NICU here is wonderful. I'll post updates as they come, but honestly, I doubt there will be too much change until the weekend. Feel free to call Paul or me, since we don't have too much to do besides movies and games. Please keep our little one in your prayers that she may be healthy and can come home with us soon.

Paul is going to be seriously outnumbered

This morning we found out that once again, we will be having a baby girl! Paul is thrilled. He wanted a girl partially because we have a lot of girl names we like whereas we can't decide on a boy name for the life of us. And now we have a lot fewer preparations for this little one since she can wear all of Hattie's clothes, especially since they will both be September babies. We are glad to share the news!